Unhappy Anniversary/Script
Jude, and Jen are sitting at the table. Caitlin opens the Big Squeeze. Jen: the air "Mmm! Is that mocha?" Wyatt: "Back off." Jen: "Whoa. You're grumpy this morning." Wyatt: Jude "His aunt's in town, so he's crashing at my house this week." Jude: "Scored the top bunk, too." Caitlin: "No way. You get to have a sleepover party for a whole week?" Jude: "A what?" Caitlin: "A sleepover! You know, staying up late, renting movies, eating tons of junk food–" Jude: "That's what we're supposed to be doing?" Caitlin: "Duh! That's why they call them sleepover parties." Wyatt: "You've never heard of a sleepover party before?" Jude: "No! So we can have one tonight?" Wyatt: "Whatever. As long as we eventually end up sleeping." Caitlin: "Hey!" spits out his coffee. "Guess what tomorrow is? Jonesy and Nikki's anniversary!" Jen: "What do you mean? They've only been dating for like, three months." Caitlin: "Exactly three months! It's so major!" Jen: "I guess it is pretty cool." Caitlin: gasping "Oh my gosh! There he is!" Wyatt: "There who is?" Caitlin: "Zane? The one I've been trying to get to notice me for a week? The one who works at Belts, Belts, Belts!? I'll be right back." closes the Big Squeeze and runs over to Nice Cinnabuns, not noticing that Zane has earphones in. "I wonder what flavor I should get." doesn't notice her. "Mmm, those smell good." still doesn't look at her. "Fresh from the oven, huh?" line moves forward. Glutes Girl: "The chocolate chip are really good." Caitlin: "Uh, yeah." her attention "Hey! So, do you like your new job?" Zane: ordering "One pecan glaze, please." receives his order and leaves. Caitlin: "Okay! So, I guess I'll see you later!" Jen and Wyatt: watching "Ouch!" Jude: "Bummer." Wyatt: "That was ugly." ---- The opening credits roll. The title of this episode is '''Unhappy Anniversary' ---- ''walks back to her job, despondent. Caitlin: "He literally doesn't know I exist!" Tricia: by "Ooh, crash and burn, huh Caitlin?" and her cohorts giggle. Caitlin: offended "Yeah, thanks for noticing!" annoyed "That girl is so annoying." Jen: "Just ignore her." Caitlin: two familiar voices "Guys! You made it!" bounds up to Jonesy and Nikki. Nikki: "Uh, yeah. We make it here every day." Caitlin: "No, you made it to three months!" Jonesy: Nikki "Do you know what she's talking about yet?" Caitlin: "Your anniversary? It's tomorrow?" Jonesy and Nikki: "Oh." Jen: "Took us a minute to get it, too." Jonesy: "Is this something I missed and I'm already in trouble for? Because if it is, I can explain." Nikki: "Relax, Jonesy. I didn't know it was our anniversary either." takes a seat and heaves a sigh of relief. Nikki: "So, uh...do you want to do something?" Jonesy: "Sure, I guess." Caitlin: "Oh, you have to celebrate. And, to get you started–ta-da!" holds up two t-shirts. They're baby blue, with a pink heart and a three printed on them. "There's a 3, for three months!" Nikki: "Wow. You really need a boyfriend." Caitlin: "I have one. Well, not yet, but, soon. I even had a t-shirt made." holds it up. Nikki: "I'm speechless. I am actually without words." Caitlin: "I know, cute right? Green's his favorite color." Nikki: "Um–uh–nope. Still nothing." ---- is hanging out at Underground Video. Wyatt: "Aren't you supposed to be working at that new pottery store?" Jonesy: "You mean No Other Clay? I'm taking a strategic break. There's a birthday party there right now–you do not want to be around seven-year-olds making pottery." Jonesy and Wyatt are talking, Jude is watching movies. Wayne comes up behind the couch. Wayne: "Dude, what are you doing?" Jude: "Watching movies about chicks having sleepover parties." looks at him blankly, then shrugs. Wayne: "Huh. So what've you got there?" Jude: "Uh, Girls Just Want to Have Slumber, Giggling After Midnight, and Sneakin' Out." Wayne: "No, no. If you're gonna do this, here's what you need." pulls out some DVDs. "Pajama Apocalypse. There's a Guy at the Window. And my personal fave, Sneakin' Out 2: The Sneakening." Jude: "The sequel's better than the original?" Wayne: "You trust me on this or not?" is complaining to Jonesy about having to deal with Jude continuously. Wyatt: "Okay, you know I love Jude, but being around him twenty-four seven at work, at school, and now at home–" Jonesy: "Is starting to drive you postal?" nods. Jude: over "Hey! You're supposed to braid each other's hair and circle cute guys in your yearbooks! Can we do that?" sighs. Wyatt: Jonesy "So what are you gonna get Nikki for your anniversary?" Jonesy: "What? I have to get her a gift?" Wyatt: "Caitlin seems to think so." Jonesy: "But what?" Wyatt: "I have no idea." ---- the Khaki Barn, Nikki is talking with her friends about the gift dilemma. Nikki: "It's not that big a deal. Is it?" Jen: nodding "It is one quarter of a whole year." Caitlin: "It's the beginning of a long-term relationship and a serious commitment requiring a symbolic gift." Nikki: "I'm in a relationship?" Caitlin: "Yes! After three months it becomes a relationship. Everyone knows that." Nikki: "Whoa. So I'm officially in a relationship." Caitlin: the time "Oh, gotta run. Zane goes for his washroom break at eleven-fifteen every day. I'm gonna try to cut him off." leaves the store. Nikki: "Just when I think she's got a handle on this guy thing–" Jen: "I know. Wham! It's gone." ---- enters the men's bathroom. Caitlin sees him enter and waits outside. Ron exits the washroom. Ron: "Hmm. Can I help you, young lady?" Caitlin: "No thanks. I'm fine." continues standing by the door. Ron: "Are you...lost?" Caitlin: "Nope." Ron: "What is it, miss? Do you have to go?" shakes her head. Ron: "Then you're going to have to vacate this area. You're loitering outside a public lavatory." Caitlin: whispering "But...I have...business here." Ron: "I thought you said you didn't have to go!" Caitlin: quietly "Okay. I'm waiting for this cute guy to come out so I can talk to him." exits the restroom. Ron: "Is this the cute guy?" Caitlin: "No! Well, yes, but please don't–" Ron: "Son, this young lady says she's waiting to meet you. Is this true?" Zane: "Well, uh, I'm not sure." Caitlin: embarrassed "You know what, I have to go. Excuse me." walks into the nearest escape: the men's room. As soon as the door shuts, she realizes where she is. Caitlin: "AAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!" Zane: "I guess she really had to go." ---- is hiding in the closed lemon. Jen tries to comfort her from outside. Caitlin: "How can I ever face him again?" Jen: "At least he noticed you." Nikki: "Hey, what's up?" Jen: whispering "Don't ask." Nikki: "Well, I got Jonesy's gift." Caitlin: "A DVD?" Nikki: "Not just any DVD. The director's cut of Guys Doing Dumb Stunts." Caitlin: "No no no! That's way too small!" Nikki: "It is?" Caitlin: "Yes. You have to get him something that says 'You are really special.'" Nikki: "But he is! I mean–" Jen "Well, what do you think?" Jen: "I guess. She is the expert." and Caitlin stare at each other. Eventually, Nikki gives up, rolling her eyes. Nikki: "Fine. I'll look for something else." Jen: "I gotta go. Hang in there." Caitlin: "Bye." waves goodbye to Jen as both of her friends leave. She turns around and sees Zane right next to the stand. She squeaks and ducks down under the counter. Zane: "Caitlin?" Caitlin: a male voice "Uh, she's not here." Zane: "Oh, that's too bad. I was gonna ask her out." Caitlin: looking up "You were? Why?" Zane: "I thought you were really cute back there, y'know, at the washrooms?" Caitlin: up "Wow. Really?" Zane: "Definitely. So, uh, your answer is?" Caitlin: "Yes! Yes yes!" Zane: "Cool. Pick you up at six." walks away. Caitlin: soon as he leaves "YEAH! Whee!" Big Squeeze snaps shut, sealing her inside. Across the food court, Tricia looks on and growls. ---- and Jonesy are walking through the mall. Jonesy: "I have no idea what to get Nikki. What if I get her the wrong thing?" Jude: "You could make her some pottery." Jonesy: "Is that a nice enough present?" Jude: "I used to make all my mom's presents, and she liked 'em." Jonesy: "And it's free! Bonus! Except I've never actually made pottery before." Jude: "No sweat. I learned to make bowls at camp one year. I can teach you." Jonesy: "Sweet." ---- walks into the Penalty Box carrying a new bag. Wyatt and Jen are there. Nikki: "Hey." Jen: "Hey." Wyatt "So, what kind of sleeping bag do you need?" Wyatt: "Just something to camp out on the couch with until Jude goes home." Jen: "Here you go." hands one over. To Nikki "So did you find another present for Jonesy?" Nikki: "Check it out!" holds up an expensive-looking piece of electronic hardware. Jen: "You got him an MP3 Mini?" Wyatt: "Wow. Will you, uh, excuse me?" rushes out of the store without his purchase. Jen: "But what about your sleeping bag?" Nikki: him go "Uh, right." Jen: "Nikki, are you crazy? This is way too expensive. You don't give a guy something this big after three months. You'll totally freak them out!" Nikki: "I will? Why?" Jen: "It's too much pressure! He'll think you're, like, in love with him or something!" pausing "Are you?" Nikki: "No! I-I mean, I don't think so. I–" Caitlin: "AAIII!!!" rushes up to them. "Guess what! Zane asked me out! On a date!" squeals. "Omigosh, I have to get ready." runs out of the store. Nikki: "So, back to these presents?" Jen: "You have to get each other gifts that are the same value. Otherwise it'll throw off the whole balance of power in the relationship. I'll go see if I can find out what Jonesy's getting you." Nikki: up "This is worse than a calculus exam!" ---- is instructing Jonesy on how to make poetry. Jude: "You're squeezing the clay too hard, dude. Let your fingers be light." Jonesy: "Look, I'm trying to be gentle! I've never done this before!" Jude: "Okay, here." sits down behind Jonesy and guides Jonesy's hands. "Relax your hands...now start from the bottom. See?" Jonesy: "Wow, check it out, it's working!" and Jude sit together, working the clay softly. Suddenly, they realize they look like a couple. Jonesy: "Dude, what're you doing?!?" Jude: "Nothin." stand up, trying to extricate themselves from the awkward situation. Jonesy: "So, uh, how 'bout those Leafs?" Jude: "Yeah, how 'bout 'em?" spits on the floor. Jonesy: "Nice. I've gotta clean that up." Jude: "Sorry, dude." ---- Underground, Jonesy and Jude are showing off the bowl to Wayne. Jonesy: "What do you think? I made it myself." Wayne: "It looks like a breast." Jonesy: "What? No it doesn't!" Wayne: "Yes it does dude." Jude: chuckling "You made Nikki a boob bowl?" Jonesy: "What are you laughing at? You made the lid!" rushes in. Wyatt: "Jonesy. I just saw what Nikki's getting for you." stops. "What's with the breast?" Jonesy: "It's not a breast, it's a useful bowl for keeping stuff in!" Wayne: "Yeah, in the shape of a breast." Jude: "Well, I think it's a sweet gift." Jonesy: "Anyway, so what's Nikki getting me?" Wyatt: "An MP3 Mini." Jonesy: "Wow. That's big. Now my gift sucks." Jude: "Yeah." Jonesy: "I thought you said it was sweet!" Jude: "Compared to an MP3 Mini? It sucks, dude." Jonesy: "Nikki must really like me to get me an MP3 Mini." sneaks in. "What does that mean?" Wayne: "It means welcome to Relationshipland, population: two." Jonesy: "So I'm gonna be stuck with one girl for the rest of my life?" Wayne: "Try not to look at it as a death sentence. Think of it more as life without parole. Ever." Jonesy: "Gah! How did this happen?!?" Jen: herself "I knew it!" leaves the store. Jonesy: "What am I gonna do?!?" Wyatt: "Well you do really like her, right?" Jonesy: "Yes!" Wyatt: "So you could keep dating her and see how it goes." Jonesy: "Okay. So, suppose I'm gonna give this a shot. What do I do next?" Wayne: "You're seriously gonna need a better present." ---- is walking through the mall when she hears noises coming from the photo booth. Gwen: "Psst! Psst! Caitlin! Over here!" Caitlin: "Hello?" reach out and drag her in. Mandy restrains Caitlin while Gwen covers her mouth. Gwen: "We have to talk to you." nods meekly. "We know about your little crush on Zane. You can't like him." Caitlin: "But...I do." Gwen: "You can't!" Caitlin: "Why not?" Gwen: "Tricia and Zane used to go out, but he brutally ditched her before the grade eight dance for Hillary Sorken, just because she got braces! Tricia was devastated. So, you see why you can't go out with him?" Caitlin: "No, not really." Gwen: "You don't do that to another girlfriend!" Caitlin: "But Tricia and I aren't even friends." Gwen: "Irregardless, you can't go out with him! Cancel your date tonight, or face social suicide at this mall." screams as a photo is taken of her. ---- is at the counter when Jen races up. Jen: "It's worse than I thought! You have to take that MP3 Mini back, or you could scare Jonesy away for good!" Nikki: "Well, what should I get him?" Jen: "Something small." Nikki: "Small. Right. I can do that." rushes in. Caitlin: "Guys, I need your help! Mandy and Gwen just told me I can't date Zane because Tricia used to like him!" Nikki: "Please. She's just jealous." Jen: "He doesn't even like her anymore." Caitlin: "Oh, you don't know the power of this girl! She can be so evil!" Nikki: "Like she's gonna do anything." Chrissy: "I once bought the same sweatshirt Tricia did, and she snuck into my locker during gym class and cut a hole in it!" shoves Chrissy away. Nikki: "Caitlin, you can't let her push you around like this." Jen: "Yeah. You finally got Zane's attention. You have to go out with him." Caitlin: "You're right! Okay. I'm going." leaves the store. Chrissy: Kristen and Kirsten "I warned her..." ---- is shopping at Stereo Shack. He has picked up a handheld gaming system. Jonesy: "Okay. She is going to love this!" Darth: "One personal video game player with instant-message capabilities. A fine choice. Here's your total." Jonesy: the screen "Ouch. Jude, you got some cheddar I can borrow?" looks at him funnily. "What? You're the one who said I had to get something better." Jude: as he hands over some bills "Didn't know I was going to have to pay for it." Darth: "You shouldn't buy toys you can't afford." Jonesy: "Yeah, it's not for me, okay, Yoda? It's for Nikki." takes his bag. "This relationship stuff is expensive." ---- and Zane are at Super Terrific Happy Sushi. Caitlin: "You had a crush on me last fall? I didn't think you knew I existed!" Zane: "I didn't. Until you slammed your locker door into my face." giggles nervously. Hiro comes along and slams a tray down on the table. Hiro: "Spicy spring rolls!" Caitlin: "Oh, we didn't order those." Hiro: "They are gift from pretty lady at other table." looks in the direction Hiro has indicated. Tricia and her two cronies are at a table. Tricia waves. Caitlin: "Oh, that's nice. She must have changed her mind." Zane: "About what?" Caitlin: "Nothing." picks up a spring roll and takes a bite. Soon enough, she begins to spasm. Zane: "You okay?" Caitlin: "Hot–" starts gobbling down a bowl of rice. Zane: "Here, take this." hands her a fortune cookie. "It'll distract you from the pain." the fortune "You're playing with fire, Caitlin, and you're going to get burned. How'd they know you'd get this cookie?" Caitlin: "Because it's from Tricia!" looks over at her former friend. "Oh, she's good. But let's see how she likes this." grabs Zane and begins to passionately kiss him. Tricia: "Oh, it is so on." ---- Jen, Jude, and Wyatt walk though the mall. Wyatt's hair is braided. Caitlin describes her date. Caitlin: "It was so great. And the best part of the date was when we bumped into Tricia again at the movies!" Jen: "Sounds...really...special, I guess." Caitlin: "It was! So how was the sleepover party last night?" Jude: "Awesome! You can stay up until five if you eat enough hot fudge." Jen: Wyatt "So how was it really?" Wyatt: "He braided my hair." Caitlin: "This is kind of my fault, isn't it?" ---- Caitlin arrives at the Big Squeeze, she finds photos of her doctored to make her look like the devil taped up all over it. Caitlin: one "Caitlin the Boyfriend Stealer? Oh, I told you she was evil! They're everywhere!" and Jonesy walk up. Jonesy: "Hey guys, what's up?" Caitlin: "Tricia's ruining my life!" Nikki: "Right, I saw the posters." Caitlin: "You know what? I am gonna get her back." picks up her phone and dials. Zane: "Caitlin?" Caitlin: "Zane. Do you want to have lunch with me today?" confirms. "Great. See you then." hangs up. "Ha! Let's see how she likes that!" Jude: "Whoa. I'm glad nobody's fighting over me." Nikki: Wyatt "Is he wearing your clothes?" Wyatt: "There are s'mores all over his." Caitlin: "Why don't you exchange your gifts now?" Nikki: "Fine." put their gift-wrapped boxes on the table. "Jonesy, you first." Jonesy: "Okay. So here's the first one." Nikki: it, surprised "It's a–personal video game player." at her friends angrily "This is a really big gift." Jude: "And he made you something, too." Jonesy: "Well, I did have some help." puts the bowl on the table. Nikki: "Wow, it's–it's, uh–" it "–is that a breast?" Jonesy: "No, it's a boob-I mean it's a bowl!" Wyatt: "Okay. Nikki, your turn." Nikki: "Oh, no, no, we really don't have to open mine now." picks up the gift "It's just a little...something..." Jonesy: "It's–" shocked "–gum!" stunned silence descends upon the table. Nikki: "It's Big Baseball Chew?" silence "Your favorite?" silence "It's a six-pack." Wyatt: "Wow. This is uncomfortable." Nikki: "I've gotta get to work." leaves, unhappy. Jen: "I thought you were just giving her that breast thing!" Jonesy: "I changed my mind! It's all Wyatt's fault, he told me what to get her." Jen: "What were you thinking?" Wyatt: "What happened to that MP3 Mini?" Jen: "I told her to take it back because Jonesy was freaking out!" Jonesy: "How did you know that?" Jen: "Because I was spying on you!" Jonesy: "But that's what Nikki really wanted to get me, right?" Jen: "Well, that one was kind of Caitlin's idea." lets out a nervous chuckle. Jonesy stands up. Jonesy: "I've gotta go too. Later guys." leaves, unhappy. Jen: "So, we kinda blew that one, huh?" Wyatt: "Right out of the water." Jude: "If no one wants this, I'll take it." picks up Jonesy's bowl. Jen: him "Focus!" Jude: "Sheesh!" Jen: "We have to fix things between Nikki and Jonesy!" Jude: "We do?" Jen: "Yes! This is all our fault!" Caitlin: "I know! Let's send them on a date!" Jen: "Yes! Wyatt, can you guys bring Jonesy to the movies at 7:30?" Wyatt: "You got it." Jen: "Caitlin, grab mushy movie tickets and I'll grab flowers! Let's move!" vacates the table except for Jude, who cuddles the boob bowl he and Jonesy made. ---- is trying to get tickets for a movie. Caitlin: "Two for your most romantic movie!" Usher: "Sorry, I can't serve you. You've been blacklisted." points to a piece of paper taped to the Gigantoplex. On it is Caitlin's face, overlain with a cross. Caitlin: "What?!? But these tickets aren't even for me, they're for my friends!" Usher: "Okay, but don't bother trying them at the gate. Tricia's second cousin works there, and he's real loyal." Caitlin: "I can't believe this is happening!" takes the tickets and runs through the mall. She finds another sign on a store. "Oh no." store. "Oh no." & Finch. "No!" Khaki Barn. "Not the Khaki Barn too!!!" Chrissy: "I tried to warn you. Tricia can be very influential." Nikki: "So can I." picks up the sign and throws it on the ground. Caitlin: "Oh, she's killing my social life!" Chrissy: "Can you have your meltdown outside? Tricia threatened to boycott the Khaki Barn if we let you in here." Caitlin: "Oh, fine! Come on, Nikki." ---- and Jen are waiting outside the Gigantoplex. Wyatt leads Jonesy and Caitlin leads Nikki to them. Nikki: "Where are we going?" Jonesy "Oh, what is this, a setup?" Jen: "Shush! We messed up your anniversary, and now we're gonna fix it!" Jonesy: "Whatever." Nikki: "Oh, fine." and Nikki slouch into the theater. ---- movie is running, but neither Jonesy nor Nikki is watching. Jonesy: "How could you get me gum? What's that say about our relationship?" Penalty Box Customer: "Ssh!" Nikki: "I am so sick of that word! And why are you basing everything on some stupid gift?" Stuart Goldstein: "Ssh!" Jonesy: "An MP3 Mini wouldn't have been stupid!" Nikki: "Well maybe I wouldn't want you to freak out over being stuck with one girl or anything!" usher shines a flashlight on them. "Yeah yeah, we're going!" the theater "That's it! This anniversary is over!" Jonesy: "Fine by me!" two storm away from each other. ---- and Jen are by the fountain. Caitlin: "She can't do this to me! I've got to make her change her mind." Jen: "Okay. If you're want to get her to stop messing with you, you're gonna have to remain calm and nice. Remember, she's just doing this because her ego's been bruised." walks by, her two friends in tow. Caitlin: "Oh, Tricia? Can we talk?" Jen: "Wow. Good fake smile." erupts "Uh-oh." Caitlin: "You can't have all the boys in the mall!" Tricia: "Oh yeah? Just watch me, lemonhead!" Jen: with Gwen "Let go of my hair!" pulls Gwen's hair. Gwen: "Aah! Ooh! Ow!" Zane: up "What is going on here?" Caitlin: "Back off, Zane! This isn't about you!" Tricia: "Yeah! It's between me and lemonhead!" Caitlin: "Stop calling me that!" socks Tricia. Zane: "You know what? I think us dating would just get in the way of your fight with Tricia. I'm outta here." Caitlin: "Are you happy? You made him break up with me." Tricia: "Actually, I think you did a pretty good job on your own." walks away. Mandy: "You can let go of my hair now." releases Gwen and Mandy, and they leave. Caitlin: "Well so much for calm and nice." ---- and Nikki pace the mall floors unhappily. They finally meet up by the fountain. Nikki: "So?" Jonesy: "So." a beat "I was thinking...what if we try–" Nikki: "We should break up." Jonesy: "What?" Nikki: "I don't think I'm ready to be in this big relationship." Jonesy: "It's just this anniversary stuff!" Nikki: "But that's just it! I don't want the 'Nikki and Jonesy Relationship' to get between us. We've been friends since we were four!" Jonesy: "Yeah. And I've had a crush on you since I was fourteen!" Nikki: "Really?" Jonesy: "Yeah. This is gonna sound really lame, but I kinda thought we had something, like, I dunno, special between us." Nikki: "There is! I'm not saying forever, just–for now. Okay?" Jonesy: "Okay." ---- Wyatt, Jen, and Caitlin are sitting sadly around the table. Jude walks up carrying a bag. Jude: "We are so hooked up for tonight." Wyatt: "What's in the bag?" Jude: "Scary horror movies and enough cookie dough to make us throw up." Jen: "You're still having sleepovers? You said your aunt left two days ago." Wyatt: "She what?" Jen: "Uh oh. Was I not supposed to say that?" Wyatt: angry "I haven't slept in four DAYS! I'm going home for a nap!" leaves. "ALONE!" Jude: "But dude! I've got cookie dough!" chases after Wyatt. Jen: "So what about you and Jonesy? You're really okay with this whole breakup thing?" Nikki: "Mmm-hmm. Maybe one day, when things aren't so complicated." Jen: "Where is Jonesy?" Nikki: "Probably getting fired. There were a lot of complaints from parents about that breast bowl." ---- of getting fired, Jonesy is sadly sitting by the fountain. Category:Season 2